Are you just like me? Not having too many friends? Nowadays, it’s easy to say “oh she’s my friend”, “yah! we’re friends” but my overthinking asks are they really friends? As in seriously?! I remember someone saying in an argument proudly saying, “Look at me, I have so many friends, and you’re not!” Hmm… my eyebrow suddenly raise (like The Rock) and thought to myself “Tsk. Tsk.” that’s not what I’ve known or heard from your so called “many friends.” It’s not about the number of friends you had. Friends are family too, like you know the real one. It’s rarely to find a genuine friendship. If you have one or two, you’re lucky so keep it for real. If you don’t have one, it’s absolutely okay, you have you’re family, and that’s one of the best friendship you’ll ever had.
So why it’s really okay not to have “too” many friends. I’ll give you 3 reasons: It’s toxic, crowded and you’re invisible. Let’s make it simple, there are times when you know that you’re in the gang or group of friends and you being you, there are days (or mostly) that you’ll feel don’t belong or not existed to them (like saling-pusa ka lang) and that’s makes you invisible because maybe it’s too crowded and stress will lingers on you, asking yourself a big “why?.” Hey admit it, most of you feel it too, because I did. It doesn’t hard to breathe in but it’s bitter and blue. Like you’re being kind or being you and trying hard to be fit-in but none of it works, it feels the same, it’s unhealthy. That’s why I believe in the phrase that “you can’t please anyone.” It’s up to you, if you stay or leave. Or just be yourself, If they don’t like you just let them be, cos me, I’m not gonna tease you to like me. Nevah! Either we stay or not, we have to face the consequences. If you ask me what did I do? Do I stay or leave? Actually I’m not sure either did I stay or not, but what I did is talk to them what I feel, I told them that they make me feel aloof, awkward like I’m not belong in the circle. So what did they do when I share my feelings, one of them say “sorry” but the rest, nothing, just nothing like a bland coffee. I’m not saying that they obliged to apologize but being concern is a hint that they are sincere to the friendship I lend and that’s when I realize not everyone is a friend. Yes, I get it, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, so I should learn how to taste and empty the cup.
OBSERVATION OF FACTS
I’d like to share some story that I observe base on my experiences while living in Japan. Japanese culture are different that’s why you have to respect it If you live in their country or know how to adjust yourself. I worked in the company for almost two years. I’m the only foreigner working in there so it’s hard for me to get-along (language barrier I guess). Everyday I see how happily they bond. It makes me feel envious on how they talk to each other like they’re really close friends or siblings-like, they even hug each other, joking around or giving gift when you are having suddenly day-off or favor to change the working schedule (it’s like an obligation or their culture to give something) Then one day, I asked one of the person I always talk to, “Are everyone in this company your friend?” And without blinking she said “No, they’re not. It’s for work only and just casual talks.” I was astonished and said like “Seriously?” I thought they are. And when she was confined in the hospital, I visited her once and regards how’s her condition, she was surprised and grateful for visiting her. I was shocked when she said no one in the company tried to visit her. She was worried and concern, told me that she had to take a picture while in the hospital and needed to post it on her “lineapp” timeline so everyone at work can see that she’s really in the hospital, not lying about it, so there’s no “hanashii” (talks) about her taking the long day leave. How “kanashii” (sad), all I think and say “Oh forgive them Lord.” Maybe, just maybe, but not entirely, maybe most of them are hard to give their trust to someone, or maybe they never did. And maybe these kind of experiences encounter all over the world. That is why we have to be more considerate, sympathetic and respectful, because we never know what somebody is going through.
ARE YOU A GENUINE FRIEND? REALLY, ARE YOU?
In my childhood to adolescences days I would say I grew up with a lots of friends. I remember having too many “best friends” like the term called “bhezz”, “bessy” “bestie” (it’s a calling became a habit) but yes they were your friends like the old friends but it doesn’t mean they truly know you because when you turn into adult or grow older, everything’s change, your perspective on friendship change and that’s when we realized that we don’t need a dozen of friends.
I’m not a socially person or maybe not that friendly, when I say “friendly”, I’m not the type of person whose talkative over the first day or month we’ve met or almost stranger (still) but I know how to make “pakikisama” to get along or they say just go with the flow. Plastik ba? Or Is it phony? Well, surely I can do that, but not in the way that I can hurt someone feeling, just harmless or maybe like white-lies. Just so you know, I’m an open-minded, cautious, very observant, and sometimes brutally honest but not a picky one. I don’t know why but that’s what I am, period. Maybe, just maybe, I always looked for someone that I feel like the phrases “you’re my person” from the Grey’s Anatomy like the friendship of Grey and Yang. What does it really mean? Does It mean I only look for someone I can “trust”? Unfortunately yes, It’s always included but it’s not all about trusting.
For me, on my perspective, it’s also about being genuine and learning acceptance. Genuine? Admit it, who does want to have a fake friends? Nah, absolutely not me. Having sincere friends makes you feel “kilig” too, am i right? Right? Kilig are not only for couples noh! When someone or that “you’re person” really being sincere to you throughout the friendships journey, it makes us thrilled, happy and grateful. Well, what’s being genuine? As for me, their truly existence (like being there) not always, but the real relation is there (if you know what I mean, just like read my eyes moment, yung bang magkatitigan lang kayo alam nyo na yung ibig sabihin, sabay pa-simpleng tawa, baliw ika nga!) and it’s not about being kind, funny, generous and authentic- it’s not like you only wanted to hear the good things about you. Sometimes being genuine is we have to say truly what something is said to be but we have to be careful on the words what we throw away, yes it might really hurt them but it’ll help them as well.
Then why acceptance? When having a so called “friend”, we don’t ever choose who we want, it’s not like a questionnaire that there’s an ABC or D choices. Because that’s being a real friend, exactly! Don’t be choosy! It’s not like you’re choosing you’re meant or other half to be. But honestly, I know a lot of people like that, Do you know one? – choosing friendship over interesting looks, famous, smart ones and okanemuchi (rich), or having a lot of circle of friends (just to be in), and lastly I always hear this “omoshiroi” means it’s interesting and fun (to be with). Friendship doesn’t always need to be fun. Friends do fights and it does drama too. Oh well it’s true, because that’s where you can find “you’re person”, yes like in the lyrics, in good times and even bad times. When you have that you’re person, you wholeheartedly accept every flaws (just like being married) like who or what kind of person they are, like sometimes they looks boring, weird, over-dramatic or maybe nasty. And so whattt? That’s their flaws, and I’m sure I have my own, and so be it. And this is the most important, when you are that genuine friend, when there’s misunderstanding, mistakes or faults, or the friendship jar have slightly cracked, you always find a way to forgive, giving the right advises, continue on the right path and saving that jar from cracking. Because we all make mistakes sooo cliché. There’s no perfect friend, just be you and everything will be great.
So yeah it’s okay, okay.
SHARING HIS WISDOM TOWARDS FRIENDSHIP…
I’d like to share one of my (10) ten faves bible verses about friendship. I know we never wish or pray for a fewer number of friends and less-meaningful relationships. Each one of us craves to have genuine relation, to have togetherness, more deeply bond, with friends. God is our truest friend and that’s why God give us the importance of true friendship means.
(1) A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. -Proverbs 18:24
(2) Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. -Proverbs 22:24-25
(3) Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
(4) Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. -Proverbs 27:9
(5) Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” -1 Corinthians 15:33
(6) Some friendships don’t last for long,but there is one loving friend who is joined to your heartcloser than any other! -Proverbs 18:24
(7) An unfriendly person isolates himselfand seems to care only about his own issues.For his contempt of sound judgment makes him a recluse. -Proverbs 18:1
(8) The spiritually hungry are always ready to learn more,for their hearts are eager to discover new truths. -Proverbs 18:15
(9) There are two sides to every story.The first one to speak sounds true until you hear the other sideand they set the record straight. -Proverbs 18:17
(10) Sharing words of wisdom is satisfying to your inner being.It encourages you to knowthat you’ve changed someone else’s life. -Proverbs 18:20
So don’t ever mind that it’s not okay not having a lots or large quantity of friends, because it’s perfectly fine. Really it’s okay.